I remember it was a Wednesday, the day that the Lord and I had it out about my surrender to Him. I had dropped my daughters off at youth group and I was so ticked off that I had to get healthy. I was so angry at God. I felt like counting calories and eating healthy were impossible and unattainable for me. I was an over-eater and I didn’t know how I could live on less and how could He ask me to do it? I remember the song “Beautiful Things” by Gungor came on the radio. It said what my heart felt.
Could God make anything good come from this dry(dead) ground(me)?
“All this pain.
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way.
I wonder if my life could really change at all.
All this earth,
could all that is lost ever be found?
Could a garden come up from this ground at all?”
Early in my weight loss journey, I was given a visual that would guide me through the daily battles I would soon face. I saw a garden, or should I say a bed of weeds. This over grown plot of death was a representation of my body. The battle of addiction to food, led to a well fed locust. Piece by piece, the puzzle started to come together.
The visual was this: the weeds- the junk I had eaten, I had poisoned my body with. I knew I had my work cut out for me. I knew I would have to rid myself of all the overgrown mess. I saw myself crouched down, pulling up old, dry weeds. Next to me, a man in a white gown, uprooting my past with me. His gown ripped and entangled in my choices. He was and is my Master Gardener. He showed me that every time I worked out, I was grabbing the roots of the weeds and getting rid of them.
He then showed me that every time I made a choice to eat healthy, I was planting flowers. I gained so much perspective by this visual, and for a while it was all I needed. As I shared this visual with a family member, He revealed another piece to this puzzle. He showed me that when I plant healthy flowers into a flower bed with weeds, any nutrients and water that is given to it, will be consumed quickly by the weeds.
This reminded me about how crucial it is to keep the body active along with choosing healthy foods. If I just exercise and still eat junk, I am pulling weeds, just to plant new ones. Pointless, I know. So many times I had to battle with pulling and planting. As I struggled with all of this, I began to obsess about calories. In my obsession, I got another piece for my puzzling masterpiece. He showed me that just as you must give attention to your garden through proper watering, you can overdo it. I was overwatering. Who knew! I was sabotaging my own efforts through my new infatuation.
I had to step back, away from the numbers game, and solely rely on what I knew about my garden. I had to keep myself in check by asking myself two questions: (1) Did I pull any weeds today? (Did I move my body?) and (2) Did I plant any flowers today? (Eat healthy choices) If the answers were yes, I was ok. This visual of my garden has been a guide and a blessing to me as I battle to freedom from food. The decision to get healthy was not an easy choice, but it was a choice I had to make. I had to trust that He had me and He would help me. He did and He did.
For years, I had prayed for a “new nature” name. In this journey, He gave me the name Chloe. Chloe meaning “new flower”. I was indeed a new flower, growing in His garden.
hope is springing up from this old ground.
Out of chaos life is being found in You.
You make beautiful things.
You make beautiful things out of the dust.
You make beautiful things.
You make beautiful things out of us.”