A few nights ago, sleep almost completely eluded me. I’ve been fighting poison ivy for the better part of three weeks and also made a move to a new state in the midst of it. The steroids and stress finally took their toll on my rest. When I finally caught a few minutes of sleep, I drifted into an obscure dream.
In my dream, I found myself at a family reunion. Everyone was there including my grandparents on my mother’s side. At the conclusion of the event, I went into the room where my grandparents were sitting down and resting. I went there to say goodbye to them both. When I leaned in to hug my grandmother, I expected to hear a good-bye or “I love you”. Instead, she leaned in and said,
“You have some good words. You just need to let them come out.”
I was so taken aback that I leaned back from her and began to memorize her words as though I was storing up treasure for another much needed time. I said her words over and over in my head, doing all that I could not to forget them. I don’t remember saying goodbye to her.
Shortly after, probably because I was consciously trying to remember what was spoken over me, I woke up. The following day, I kept rehearsing these words, praying to better understand what they mean.
I have been working on writing a few books for some time now, but its been months since I worked in any of them. I’ve just felt dry. I must explain that don’t believe in writing out a place that is inauthentic. I want to always share what He would have me share. So, since I hadn’t heard any pressing words from Him, I haven’t written.
Here’s the problem. When it has been too long since I have written, its easy to slip into the deep pit of lies and unbelief when it feels like God isn’t talking to me anymore. Its too easy for me to allow myself to get too distracted with a thousand different things that take priority over writing. It too quickly takes over me that maybe I didn’t hear Him correctly that I am a writer, and that He hasn’t called me to do so.
All of these things keep me out of commission. They keep me from fulfilling my purpose, my desire to write for the glory of God. And the dark wins a very temporary win.
Then, after one of my longer stints of not writing, of being ridiculously busy, out of nowhere, in a dream, my grandmother says the words I need to hear, “You have some good words. You just need to let them come out.” and I begin to cling to each word, a much needed reminder of His calling over me. And I meditate on them, their approval of my gifting, storing each word away in a safe place, using each one to rekindle a very dimly lit flame.
So, I begin to say “Thank you” to the One who made me, who filled me with His purpose, and I write this blog post tonight. And I face the lies that tell me I shouldn’t and try to silence me again. And tomorrow I will start my day with still and quiet time with the Lord, coming to the well where I am filled, so that I may return to my books and continue the work that He has started in me some time ago. And His truth prevails against the lies, and I begin again, to share the good words, letting them come out for His glory, and His purpose.