One of the darkest times of my life was sadly while I was on my journey to a better, healthier me. I remember a time, a couple of years ago, when I sat down to have my quiet time, the scripture reference was Romans 8:6. I opened up my Bible to see what it said. When I opened to the page, I found several underlined words and a date to the side. In college, my reading teacher taught me to make notes as I read, to help me remember important details. In my devotion times, I do the same. I underline the passage, make a note, and then date it. Today, I ran across the scripture that screamed volumes to me in that dark time. It said what I didn’t want to hear. It held me accountable for a behavior I didn’t want to own. It made me face the truth in my actions, the actions that held me captive in the dark.

Romans 8:6 “For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.”

September 18, 2013 this passage gashed a hole into my darkness and shined light on my self worship. In an effort to loose weight, I lost sight of why I was loosing weight. I became so fixated on myself, at some point, that I forgot that I was on this journey to share it with others. I was so consumed with my progress and numbers. I focused on the number of calories, the numbers in my clothes, the numbers on my scale. The numbers were everywhere and I let them define me in a way I no longer allowed God to. If I woke up and I had gained even an ounce, I was worthless, in my mind. If I woke up and the numbers were in my favor, I was edified again. Down, and further down my spiral went. I had lost sight of truth and had found my way into a dark cave, were I was my own carved idol.

Romans 8:6 “For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.”

In this time, I isolated from all I knew. I went to work, spent time with my family, and continued focusing on loosing weight. I didn’t know that this cave I was hiding in, was like a spiritual grave. The scripture said that to focus on my flesh was death and it was. It was, until He showed me what I was doing.

I was standing in worship, in church, when God showed me the spiritual grave I was hiding in. In that gross, dark moment, I made a declaration that I was running out and not looking back. I had to focus on Him again, if I wanted to find freedom again; if I wanted to find life again. I begged for forgiveness, for worshiping myself, my progress, and running from Him and His plans for me.

His grace was and is abounding! He has revealed to me how this moment, and all the other moments along this journey are for His glory and not my own. Even though I was a total mess, He gets the glory and I can help someone else to walk through this season of life. He has revealed to me that I am not to worship the temple, but the One who created and filled it with His Holy Spirit. The peace He has given, frees me not to be obsessed with the progress and defined by the numbers, but rather to see myself as He does, fearfully and wonderfully made.

“For to set the mind on the flesh is death but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.” Romans 8:6